My Satin Doll
by Realmi
Summary: 2 new chapters up and running Ilana Miren is a odd person. For one thing she isn't even a person: she was born to a fairy and a wizard. Now, she has come to Hogwarts to teach history of magic... and learn that you can teach an old gal new tricks.
1. They Can't Take That Away From Me!

**My Satin Doll**

**By: Realmi**

**Chapter One: They can't take that away from me**

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**       Ilana Miren wasn't a normal person. In fact, she wasn't really a person; she was a Halfling: born to a wizard father and a fairy mother. At the age of eleven, she studied her father's form of magic at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the magic world was introduced to two other of her abnormalities: them being, her naturally azure hair that came down to her thighs and a pair of retractable sliver dragonfly wings.  **

**       But what was even odder about her was that she, Ilana S. Miren, was a fully functional animagas by the age of six. Ilana turned into a fox. Unlike her old friends James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew, she was legal. And now, she was off to Hogwarts once more to teach the History of Magic and to learn a few things herself.**

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**       Ilana smiled happily as she closed a large oak trunk filled with clothes. _So much for my wardrobe, She thought as she moved the trunk to the floor. Her hand reached into the pocket of her green sweatshirt and she pulled out her wand (17 inch, cherry wood, dragon's heartstring). She then pointed it at her queen sized bed (complete with black satin bedspread with matching pillows and a stuffed animal penguin) and with but a simple wave, her bed shrunk to the size of a doll's bed. The same was soon done to her chest of drawers, stereo system, and piano. _**

**       She gingerly picked up said furniture and placed them all into a burgundy carpetbag. _All set for tomorrow! _She thought happily. The doorbell rang just then, "Oh, it must be him!" She said happily. She then glanced down at her sweatshirt and boxers. Smiling slightly she waved her wand again and her pajamas were instantly replaced with a sleek black skirt that came down to her ankles and a lilac blouse.**

**       She ran down stairs and opened the door. There stood her closest friend Remus Lupin, in the black tuxedo she bought him for Christmas three years ago. "Hey, babe," she smiled embracing him. "I'm glad you can make it."**

**       "And miss your final performance as a lounge singer? Never," he said dramatically. "Please tell me you're not wearing that are you?"**

**       "My stage outfit is at the club," she said grabbing a trench coat from her closet. The pair walked down the streets of ****London**** in a comfortable silence until they came upon the night club Crimson Atlantis. Outside were posters plastered all over the place reading, "Singing good bye a songbird: Ilana's last performance." **

**       Ilana and Remus went through the backdoor and then straight to her dressing room. Remus sat down on a lofty couch as Ilana went behind a screen and changed into her stage outfit. As she stepped out from behind the dressing screen Remus allowed himself to let out a low whistle. **

**       She was, in not so many words, completely dazzling. She was wearing a black velvet shirt, fishnet gloves, a long black skirt with a lacy fringe just past her ankles, and high, spiky heels. Her long blue hair was simply cascading down from her head in long, silky tassels. "Wish me luck?" she asked offering him a hand to hold, she was clearly nervous. Remus smiled and walked her to the curtain.**

**       'You don't need it," he said before kissing her cheek and leaving for his place in the audience.**

**        The place looked like an illegal liquor club in the nineteen 20's. Complete with gangsters playing cards. The manager, a balding man with a red face, came upon the stage mike in hand. "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to think that for the last eight years you have been coming to the Crimson Atlantis for the good service and drinks, but in all honesty, we've all been coming for one reason. And her name is Ilana Miren. Sadly ladies and gents, this is her last performance," he paused briefly and patiently waited for the boos to end. "Ilana has asked to have this entire show dedicated to her hero: Frank Sinatra, and of course divas always get what they want. So with out anymore from me, I give you Ilana!"**

**       Ilana stepped from behind the stage curtain making everyone believe that she was some goddess coming straight down from ****Mount**** **Olympus******. She stepped up to the microphone and messed around with it for a while, "After eight years you'd think I'd finally figure out how to work this damn thing!" she smiled, causing the audience to laugh. Finally, she was ready to sing. With in no time the sound of her sweet alto voice had filled the room.**

**       After a few songs, Ilana paused, looked out to her fans and sighed. "I'm gonna miss you guys, really I am, but here's a little something to remember me by," the sweet sound of jazz came piping hot out of the piano as she ended with her favorite song:**
    
    **           "There are many, many crazy things**
    
    **            That will keep me loving you**

**And with your permission**

**May I list a few?**

**The way you wear your hat**

**The way you sip your tea**

**The memory of all that**

**No they can't take that away from me**

**The way your smile just beams**

**The way you sing off key**

**The way you haunt my dreams**

**No they can't take that away from me**

**We may never, never meet again, on that bumpy road to love**

**But I'll always, always keep the memory of**

**The way you hold your knife**

**The way we danced till three**

**The way you changed my life**

**No they can't take that away from me**

**We may never, never meet again, on that bumpy road to love**

**But I'll always, always keep the memory of**

**The way you hold your knife**

**The way we danced till three**

**The way you changed my life**

**No they can't take that away from me"**

**       And like a dream, it was over. She bowed and left, Remus following after her. She quickly undressed folded her stage clothes and put them neatly in a bag that was in her dressing room. "Was I good?" she asked Remus when he stepped in.**

**       "Splendiferous," Remus said warmly. The pair went back Ilana's home in the same comfortable silence. "I'll be here at ****nine thirty** to take you to King Cross."****

**       "Honestly, boy, I can ride a bus there all by myself!" Ilana said jokingly.**

**       "Not since Dumbledore told us that Voldermort was at Hogwarts last year! He might try something!"**

**       "In front of a whole bunch of people, Remus, I doubt it, greatly," Ilana said.**

**       "You never know, Ilana. Besides, I want to say a proper good by to my dear friend," Ilana smiled, said her thank yous and goodnights, and walked inside her home. **

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**       Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasly were about to board the train when a flash of blue caught their eyes. Through the portal of platform 9¾ walked a short, blue haired woman wearing a khaki trench coat caring a burgundy carpetbag. Next was a taller man wearing a travel worn brown trench carrying her trunk (which was clearly labeled Ms. Ilana S. Miren). The man placed her trunk down on the steps of the train cart behind theirs. "Weird," Ginny said simply. **

**       "Is she a new student? I've never seen her before," Hermione said.**

**       "She doesn't look that young… maybe she's a new teacher."**

**       "But The Defense Against The Dark Arts post is already filled by Mr. Lockhart," Hermione said.**

**       "Maybe he dropped out to write another book."**

**       With a look that clearly read I'll-die-if-that-happens-to-be-the-case; Hermione said, "I hope he hasn't," Ginny laughed and she and Hermione boarded the train.**

**       Ilana give Remus tight hug around his neck. "I can't believe it! Me! A _teacher! I was the biggest trouble maker back in the day!"_**

**       "I don't know, James and Sirius gave you a run for the money," Remus said with a chuckle. A brief flicker of pain flashed through his friend's eyes and he instantly regretted his words.**

**       "McGonagall says he's just like them, Remus," Ilana said, her voice lower then normal. "And that he acts like Sirius, has Lily's eyes, flies like James, has a knack for getting for getting in and out of trouble like…" Ilana's eye fell downcast and Remus gave her a hug. **

**       "'…And if some child of yours were alive at that time, you would live twice, in it, and in my rhyme,'" Remus said softly. Ilana chuckled a little.**

**       "Shakespeare, Sonnet 17, Muggle Studies 3, fifth year," Ilana said.**

**       "Right on," Remus said. The shrill sound of the train whistle cut them short. "Bye, Ilana."**

**       "Bye, babe," Ilana said, grabbing her trunk and stepping on to the train. _Me! A teacher! She thought once more in disbelief. _**

*****Fin: Chapter One*****

**Endnote: Don't own any of the characters except Ilana. Not making any money, this is the same for all the up coming chapters. Hope you all liked it, I had fun writing it! Reviews are accepted, read, thought over, and sometimes even answered! **


	2. Don't Play with me, cause you're playing...

**My Satin Doll**

**By: Realmi**

**Chapter Two: Don't Play With Me, Cause You're Playing With Fire**

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**Author's notes: Thanks to David for being the first to review this story! Hooray for my fuckant and hooray for Samma the Splendiferous: my sexy love pigeon! Oh hooray for Assila too, because she loves this story. Okay, enough Realmi-ranting, just enjoy the story.**

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**       Ilana sank steadily lower into her seat, never in all her life had she been so nervous. In about ten seconds, the Sorting will be over and Dumbledore will announce her as the new History of Magic teacher. "Attention, students, attention," Dumbledore said with a warm smile. "Welcome to a new year a Hogwarts! Before we begin our traditional feast, I would like to make two very important announcements. Teaching our Defense Against the Dark Arts course is Professor Gilderoy Lockhart," Lockhart stood up and flashed a brilliant, flawless smile. The room exploded with claps from very single female student. **

**       "Thank you, thank you," Lockhart smiled with a bow. "I'll have you all know that I'm more than qualified for this position and you'll all be very pleased to know that this year you will learn a thing or two," he waved to his audience and took his seat. Ilana darkened; she was starting to dislike this peacock of a man already and from the looks of her fellow staff members, so were they.**

**       Dumbledore, however, seemed just as jolly as ever. "Also, Professor Binns has suffered an after life crisis and has left us to live a little," there were a few snorts and giggles after that last comment. "I'm pleased to tell you that Professor Ilana Miren, one of the brightest students Hogwarts has ever seen, will be teaching the History of Magic class. I'm sure you'll all find her very interesting," Ilana stood up and received even more applause then Lockhart: because her applause came from everyone in the room, for they all were glad to see Binns leave. Ilana's nervousness left her. _All right Hogwarts, she thought, getting an all too familiar gleam of mischief in her eyes. __If you can give it, I can take it. Cause if this heart is gonna break, it's gonna take a lot to break it……I need to get out of here and listen to my music… _**

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**       After the feast, Ilana was going up to her room to finish her unpacking when she passed the one person she had been dieing to see. Her best friends' son: Harry Potter. It took all of her self control not to hug him on the spot and start crying. _He's a James clone! _She thought, but she knew she couldn't hug him, or cry, or tell him anything yet, she'd have to wait. _Calm yourself, Tails,_ Ilana thought as she neared him._ He has no clue who you are and you can't seem too weird on your first day. So, they passed with nothing but a curt nod and Harry's red haired friend looking back over his shoulder to give Ilana a second glance._**

**       Ilana finally reached her room. It was warm and cozy with a fire place and plenty of room for her stereo, piano, bed, dressers, other furniture, and random knickknacks. _Yay__! They even gave the big armchair I asked for! Ilana reached into her carpet bag and pulled out her penguin, Shiver; she gave him a tight hug and tossed him onto her bed. Ilana reached into her bag one more time before kicking it under her bed. In her hand was a scrapbook and a picture frame. She placed the scrap book on her nightstand and after a slight pause, set the picture upright._**

**       It was her most treasured possession: a picture of her, Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily at their wedding reception. James and Lily were holding each other lovingly, smiling like the world was just handed to them on a sliver platter. Remus was sitting down at a table holding a glass of wine while laughing at Sirius and Ilana, for they were recreating scenes from their favorite musicals (one of the perks of Muggle Studies). Picture Sirius and Ilana were currently doing the restaurant scene in Hello Dolly. Real Ilana smiled sadly. _I miss them all so much…even Remus who I saw this morning in the name of McGonagall's hairnet! _**

******Ilana tucked herself under her covers, hugging Shiver, "I'm not going to cry," she told herself aloud. "No matter how much he may look like them, fly like them, or act like them, I won't cry or treat him differently then any other student," Ilana sighed and rolled over onto her side, still clutching her stuffed animal. "I won't cry…"**

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**       The next morning, Ilana woke up too late for breakfast but she had just enough time to run down the staff room and see if there was anything there. After a quick change (into a pair of khaki pants and a black tunic) and a fast grooming, she grabbed her guitar and made her way down to the staff room.**

**       There were only two people in there when she arrived, Gilderoy Lockhart and Severus Snape: both of whom were sitting at one of the wooden tables. Lockhart was chatting on and on about something he had done, Severus was not looking too pleased but quietly stirred his coffee. "Ah, fair ****Miss.**** Ilana, you look fabulous as always, please allow me to get you a cup of coffee. Women so lovely shouldn't do such menial labor," Lockhart said, Ilana winced and had to stop herself from kicking him. But Lockhart got up and got her some coffee. **

**       "My hero," she stated dryly, Lockhart beamed. Ilana rolled her eyes and left, unable to stand being in his presence. After she had exited, Lockhart turned around again to talk to Snape.**

**       "Did you hear that? I think she may like me!" Lockhart was beside himself with glee. Severus stood up from the table.**

**       "Trust me," he said, his voice like ice. "She doesn't go for blonde hair. She's more into……black," and with that he left.**

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**       Ilana sat down on her desk, over looking the area where her students would soon be. She knew that she would get nervous before she started, hence why she brought her guitar, it always calmed her down. She opened her case to reveal an ancient acoustic guitar. She gingerly picked up her "baby" and began to strum the strings, singing an old Rolling Stones song.**

**_Well, you've got your diamonds and you've got your pretty clothes  
And the chauffeur drives your car  
You let everybody know  
But don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire _**

**_Your mother she's a heiress, owns a block in _****_Saint John's_****_ Wood  
And your father'd be there with her  
If he only could  
But don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire _**

**_Your old man took her diamonds and tiaras by the score  
Now she gets her kicks in Stepney  
Not in Knightsbridge anymore  
So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire _**

**_Now you've got some diamonds and you will have some others  
But you'd better watch your step, girl  
Or start living with your mother  
So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire  
So don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire_******

**       She looked up from her guitar, sensing someone watching her. Leaning against the doorframe was Severus Snape. "Hello, Severus," Ilana smiled cheerfully. "It's been a while."**

**       "Indeed it has," Severus said, still leaning against the door. "I was walking by when I heard you singing."**

**       "Did it bring back memories?" Ilana asked teasingly.**

**       "Please tell me that you've grown enough maturity as to not dance upon the tables at lunch belting out ****Oklahoma**** hits," Severus commented snidely. "I'm still having nightmares."**

**       Ilana titled her head, "And please tell me that you've grown some common sense and some humility."**

**       "What do you mean?"**

**       "I mean, you always had to one up everyone in everything, you couldn't stand it if someone was better at you at anything! I swear, you have the biggest superiority complex on the planet!" **

**       "Why do you always have to make me seem like such a bastard?" Severus asked, in his same snide manner. **

**       "Because, I don't have to try very hard," Ilana said, returning her baby to its case.**

**       "Your words cut me to the quick."**

**       "What was I just saying? Don't play with me, 'cause you're playing with fire," just then, the bell rang and Severus stalked out of the room as her students filed into their seats. _That's right Hogwarts, once again, you're playing with fire._**

*****Third chapter, Ilana teaches class*****

**Endnotes: Juli! Carmen! Read and Review this story or you shall suffer the wrath of Realmi-sama! Oooooo….Cowboy Bebops on. All the rest of you, thanks for reading, please review!**

**With hugs, flowers, and chocolate,**

**Realmi**


	3. Introducing The Plot

My Satin Doll

By: Realmi

Chapter 3: Introducing The Plot! 

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Author Notes: Hello people, the adventures of Ilana the Teacher have truly begun. Oh what fun it is to change the Harry Potter story line! HA HA!

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_Dear Diary, _

_            Hey, it's me again, Ilana S. Miren. Who else would it be? Today is the last day of my first week of teaching! I like to think I'm doing a good job, no one has fallen asleep and everyone is seemingly paying attention, especially the 7th year boys. One boy, however, has been giving me more attention then others. That pesky, annoying, peacock of a man…Gilderoy Lockhart! AURGH! It's so terrible, that man keeps trying to swoon me. Anyway, Harry's class is in about ten minuets… I'll keep you posted._

_            -Ilana_

Prof. Ilana closed her journal just as a young girl with huge bushy brown hair came in. She sat down at a desk infuriated by something. Ilana, who was sitting at her desk, raised a little blue eyebrow. "Dear, are you alright?" she asked concerned for her guest looked rather distraught. The young girl looked up at her. 

            "No, it's nothing, Professor Miren," the young girl said. Ilana smiled and shook her head. 

            "Dear, maybe this hasn't gotten around the entire wizarding world yet….but I was a lounge singer before I took this job, don't think you can lie to me. I've been around enough sleazy business men and gangsters to last a life time."  Her guest smiled a bit. "So tell Aunty Ilana what's up." Ilana said sitting on a desk next to the twelve year old. 

            "It's just……Draco Malfoy….. he keeps saying horrible, mean-spirited stuff to and about me. He just really pisses me off." The girl clamped a hand over her mouth, afraid she would get into trouble for cussing. Ilana, who happened to have quite a filthy mouth herself didn't even notice.

            "No need to worry, I won't tell anyone, is this by any chance Lucius Malfoy's son?" Ilana asked, her voice slightly growling at the name. The girl nodded and Ilana patted her shoulder in a comforting manner. Ilana knew all too well what the girl was going through, Malfoy gave her Hell when she was in school….not that she didn't return the favor. "Tell you what, next time Draco says something totally uncalled for and rude, you have my permission to hex his underwear off." The girl gasped, not knowing what to think of a professor who would say such a thing, but when she looked up and saw her teacher laughing silently she knew she was just joking. 

            "Do I need a piece of parchment with your signature on it?" the girl asked with a smile.

            "I'm not sure, I'll get back to you on that," Ilana said, letting a pretend confused look play across her face. The girl laughed aloud and Ilana smiled, glad she could make her student feel better. "What's your name, kid? You're the first to catch onto my joking…those Weasley boys took me too seriously….oh it wasn't fun to explain to McGonagall why Marcus Flint was missing ears and was covered in purple poka dots." Ilana said with a slight shudder, again the girl laughed.

            "Hermione Granger, Professor Miren," Hermione said after she stopped giggling somewhat. 

            "Please, call me Ilana, professor makes me sound…..old." Ilana uttered the last word as if it was something dirty. Hermione smiled, her new History of Magic teacher didn't look over nineteen, but she knew it was due to her fairy blood; as fairies aged a good deal slower than wizard folk after age fifteen. Just then, the bell rang and Ilana walked back over to her desk and grabbed her wand. 

            With a wave the chalk began to float and write upon the blackboard behind her. Ilana then sat upon her desk and watched as the second year Gryffindors filed into her classroom then into their seats. The newbie professor noticed Harry and the red haired kid that Ilana saw her first night at Hogwarts sit next to Hermione. Once it seemed that everyone was seated, Ilana stood up before her class and paced in front of them for a while wearing her best "Sour Snape" face as she liked to call it. No one breathed a word and Ilana knew why Severus made that face now, _There **is something…empowering in striking fear into young children, **_Ilana thought. She stopped in front of her desk and faced her class, she cleared her throat softly and said, "If you would all be so kind as to direct your eyes to the chalkboard…" in unison, all eyes moved to read what was written.

WELCOME TO HISTORY OF MAGIC WITH PROFESSOR ILANA MIREN

PLEASE TAKE OUT A QUILL AND SOME PAPER

            There were a few groans as the task was being done. Ilana smiled for she knew what they were thinking: they thought she was going to drone on and on and on while they wrote notes. _Not on their first day at least_, Ilana thought. "Class? You're attention please, for your first day I thought it would be fun if we did a little getting to know you activity," The class looked slightly confused and skeptical. "Of course, if you'd much rather have a pop quiz…." She smiled at the sharp intake of breath. "Heh, alright, first off, I need to tell you the rules first. There are only two rules, follow them and all will be right in the state of Denmark. Rule One: Under no circumstances are you to disrespect me or any other classmate. No name calling: such as 'mudblood,' or 'half breed.' No calling someone stupid because they ask a question, no making fun of anyone because you're richer then they are, or prettier. Break this rule and your ass, excuse my French, will be in detention for the rest of the year. On a lighter note, Rule Two is just if you fall asleep congratulations, you get a detention, savvy?" The class nodded. Ilana smiled. "Okay, here is how things are going to run, during class, I will talk. Take notes, don't take notes, it's up to you. Homework every night will be a section of reading. Read it, don't read it, again it's up to you, but every Friday there will be a test over what I was talking about and you were, hopefully, reading about all week. Some of the questions will only be found in the book, so it's a very good idea to read. There, I said it." The class looked okay with that so she went on.

            "Alright, now for some fun," Ilana waved her wand and what was written before disappeared and the chalk was writing again. When it was done ten questions were in its stead. 

1) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

2) WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

3) WHAT PETS DO YOU HAVE…OR WISH TO HAVE?

4) WHERE DO YOU LIVE WHEN NOT AT SCHOOL?

5) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BERRI BOTT'S EVERY FLAVORED JELLYBEANS FLAVOR?

6) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

7) WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER? (THIS ANSWER WILL NOT AFFECT YOUR GRADE J)

8) WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR FREE TIME AND WHY?

9) WHAT DO YOU LOVE BEST ABOUT HOGWARTS?

10) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?

      "All right class, fill that out and when you're done, exchange papers with someone you might not know too well, have fun!"

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      The day was over and Ilana was walking out to the lake to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, well, that's what she planned to do. However, in the entrance hall she ran into Lucius Malfoy. The two glared at each other as they passed by in the corridor, utter detestation was the only word that could be used for the emotion that was coursing through Ilana's body.

      "So, it is true, Hogwarts is going to the dogs," Malfoy sneered.

      "Well, _you_ are a school governor are you not? Is it really a surprise?" Ilana snarled back.

      "Feisty today are we?" Malfoy smirked. Ilana's fist balled at her sides.

      "Go fuck yourself, Malfoy, I don't have time to waste on putrid scum like you." Ilana said walking past him, put he grabbed her arm and turned her about to face him. He was a good deal stronger then her so pull and tug as she might she couldn't break away. "Let go of me!" she snarled. Malfoy chuckled darkly.

      "Silly, half breed, I have no intention of letting you go. You owe me from our last meeting," he pulled up his pant leg showing a large gash running down his pale shin. 

      "You got me back, trust me." Ilana snarled, again Malfoy chuckled darkly.

      "So have you found a husband? Or a boyfriend? Or are you too dirty: blood and all." Ilana kicked him in the shin, and he let her go with a stifled groan of pain. Ilana fixed her hair and straightened her black turtle neck sweater.

      "For your information, I do happen to have a boyfriend," Ilana lied, anything to one up this man.

      "What self respecting wizard would date a half-ling like you. Maybe he's not a wizard maybe he's a Muggle, or another half breed." He sneered. Ilana flushed with anger.

      "Severus Snape," she said before she could stop herself.

      "Ha! You liar, I'll believe that when I see it."

      "Oh, you'll see it alright," Ilana sneered, walking away. _What the Hell have I done?! She thought as she went off to find Severus. _Please God, let me be able to talk him into this, please, please, please, please, _she prayed as she made her way down to his office._

***End Chapter Three***

Realmi: Yay! This story will actually have a plot! Go me.

Severus: Knowing you, you will make a possibly good story suck.

Realmi: Are you saying I'm a bad writer?

Severus: No, you're a horrid writer

Realmi: *punches him down to the ground and starts to bury him*

Ilana: Wait, Realmi! We need him for chapter 4!

Realmi: …………

Severus: Medic……


	4. I'm Just Like You

**My Satin Doll**

**By: Thief**

**Chapter Four: I'm Just Like You**

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**Author's notes: This was the original Chapter Two…some of it anyway…but things happen, I hope you enjoy it. Hey, you made it to chapter four, go you!  **

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**       Ilana sprinted down the stairs to Severus Snape's office. She skid to a halt outside his door and after a few deep breaths to calm herself, she elevated her hand and knocked on the door. **

**       "Enter," she heard a bored voice say. Ilana opened the door and peaked in, she wasn't sure what she expected his office to look like, but the slimy things in the jars, the cold, and the minuscule light fit what she whatever it was she would have imaged perfectly. Severus was holding a piece of parchment in his left hand and a coffee mug in his right. Ilana could see that a quill was tucked away behind his right ear. As she closed the door, Severus set down his coffee cup, reached behind his ear, pulled out the quill and wrote something on the parchment he was holding. Then he grabbed another paper and once again picked up his coffee. He didn't seem to notice that she was even in the room. _Jeez, what a jerk, Ilana thought, annoyed. She started to tap her foot: a reaction she developed to hurry Lily along in the morning back at school, now she just did it when she bored or annoyed._**

**       Severus set his coffee cup down and lifted his eyes to her face. "Ms. Miren, would you please stop that irritating tapping?" he asked coldly. Ilana ceased her foot tapping and sat down in the chair in front of his desk.**

**       "So, what have you being doing since I've last seen you? Not on Monday but at Hogwarts," Ilana asked, waving her wand and conjuring a cup of coffee (with two sugars) for herself and also some toast and marmalade on a little plate. Severus gave her a sideways glance as she sat back down. "Well?" she asked, referring to her question.**

**       "Enjoying your little picnic?" he asked, in what sounded like amusement.**

**       "Do you always answer a question with another question?"**

**       "Alright, I'll tell you… I became a teacher, isn't that fascinating?"  **

**       Ilana rolled her eyes and in a cynical tone said, "Considering no one with half a brain would even consider leaving you with their children, yes."**

**       "Why are you here?" Severus asked, growing a little annoyed with this human interaction. **

**       "Sorry, I forgot that you're not skilled in the art of civilized conversation, please forgive me," she said, dismissing his question. _The man has powers of aggravation that far surpass those of mere mortals._**

**       "My, haven't we become the sarcasm poster girl," Severus gave a fake sigh. "What in the world happened to you?"**

**       "Meh, I am what you created me to be," Ilana said taking a bite out of her toast and marmalade.**

**       "Touché," Severus said causing Ilana to laugh.**

**       "Remember back in the day when you were forced to help me out with potions?" Ilana asked. **

**       "Please, don't bring up those horrible memories," he ordered, wincing overdramatically. "That jacket still has those stains on it," Ilana would have reached over and smacked him, but she needed him.**

**       "I just wanted to say thanks," Ilana said seriously. "I never did back at school… well… I did once but you got bitchy at me over it or something so I never did it again."**

**       "You shouldn't be saying thanks, you should be saying 'I'm sorry for kicking you, hitting you, breaking your nose, waging war with your girlfriend, blowing potions up in your face…'"**

**       "Well, you should be saying 'I'm sorry for calling you names, pulling your hair, making you feel stupid, nearly killing your boyfriend, tearing my wings…"**

**       "Hey! You _are_ stupid, your boyfriend nearly killed _me_, and the wing incident was an accident and you know it!"  **

**       "Well, your girlfriend was conceded and started the war. Just because she was afraid that she was no longer going to be the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, you deserved the physical abuse, and don't you dare blame me for the buldger incident."**

**       "I'm going to ask again, Miren, why are you here?" Severus asked again.**

**       "To talk to you," Ilana said. **

**       "You're that starved for conversation?" Severus asked. Ilana looked downward, where she noticed that she was fiddling with her hands. **

**       _Damn it, I hate it when he's right! Ilana thought. _Why am I doing this!?__**

**       "Could you make this quick?" Severus asked, going back to grading his papers. "Lucius Malfoy is here on inspection and he has invited me to have tea with him."**

**       _Oh yeah, that's why, Ilana smiled weakly. "Umm, speaking of Malfoy, I need a favor." Severus raised an eyebrow._**

**       "A what?" he asked in disbelief.**

**       "A favor… a rather big one actually…" Ilana said weakly.**

**       "And what makes you think I would do this favor, whatever it is, for you?"**

**       "Because without me you'd still be at Hogwarts trying to pass your transfiguration exams and I saved your life!" Ilana said in a voice that seemed to lower the temperature even further.**

**       "What do you want," Severus sighed. Picking up his coffee mug and taking a sip. **

**       "Pretty simple actually," Ilana said cheerfully. "I just need you to pretend to be my boyfriend! There, I said it." Severus nearly chocked on his coffee. **

**       "Gwa… what!?"**

**       "I told you, I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend," Ilana said again. Severus looked at her as if she was out of her mind. **

**       "Please tell me you're joking…" Severus said.**

**       "Nope! Please, Severus, I need you to do this for me!" Ilana begged. Severus rubbed his temples and let out a long sigh. **

**       "Dare I ask why me? You could have easily gotten Lockhart to be your bitch." Severus said.**

**       "Because I told Malfoy I was dating _you_," Ilana said straight-faced. Severus just stared at her in utter disbelief, the girl had some gall.  **

**       "You've got to kidding… you told _Lucius_ _Malfoy that you and I are a couple? __WHY!?" he practically whined._**

**       "He insulted… how do I say this… my sex appeal? Said that no true wizard would ever have me, or something along those lines… If it was anyone but him I wouldn't have cared." Ilana said softly, as if to herself.**

**       "Why is it so important what Malfoy thinks?" Severus asked, curious.**

**       "Sore wa himitsu desu," Ilana said with a wink, which made Severus raised an eyebrow in question to her answer. "That's a secret," she translated.  **

**       "Do I get benefits other boyfriends get?" Severus asked nonchalantly. Ilana's eyes grew and she stared at Severus: letting her imagination think of the different meanings of what he said. Severus shook his head when he saw that look on her face.**

**       "Nothing as vulgar as what you are thinking, Miren. I mean respect, common courtesy. I'm not interested in making out in the hallways of Hogwarts."**

**       "How about an occasional snuggle and a few stolen kisses between classes?" Ilana asked cautiously. "I want this to look real; you were a decent actor in Muggle Studies if I remember right."**

**       "Ah, yes, Professor Marinette and her only two loves of the Muggle world: Rock and Roll and Theater." Ilana laughed aloud **

**       "So, will you do it?" she asked.**

**       "Yes, and speaking of those boyfriend benefits, see those papers on my desk? Grade them, I'm going to tea." And with that, he exited the door. Ilana smiled and sat down behind his desk. _This won't be so bad, _Ilana thought as she picked up a piece of paper and began to read it.**

*****Fin Chapter 4*****

**Severus: Wow, you actually had me almost in character.**

**Thief: Yay, you gave me a complement…sorta! *hugs Sevvi***

**Severus: Get off me and write chapter five!**

**Thief: In a minute. *goes back to hugging Sevvi*  **


End file.
